Harry and Dracos Retelling
by Kattyc22
Summary: Harry and Draco Decide they should Tell the story together their way. Filled with Comedic Stupidity and Violence. Can Harry and Draco stop arguing long enough to tell this story or will they get so heated it leads to Love. Warning DracoxHarry Later. Rated M for Comedic scenes, language, Violence, and Adult situations.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer I own Nothing Not characters, settings, Places or Names of items._

_All this is is a Random chunk of boredom and wishes turned into typed Letters._

_It is not meant to be anything like the original it is meant to be a comedy and Slash story _

_Meaning Harry will not choose ginny (i hate her anyways)_

_This is the Prologue so its very short and meant to make you laugh_

_Rated - M for Language, Situations, Violence and Comedic Scenes_

**_Prologue_**

"It all Started in year 1 (technically the first minutes after Boarding the train) Just to let all of the curious Readers know the original was actually told by a 1 Ron Weasley and a bitch named Hermione. Now to Tell The actual Story from the point of view that actually matters that's Right me the one and only Draco Malfoy."

"Draco Shut up it should be told by me the real Hero Harry Potter"

"Just because your the Boy Who Lived doesnt me its all about you"

"Uh Yeah it kind of does."

"Fine then get on with it Moron"

"alright then I guess we will skip the abuse chapters and the boring chapters on finding out im a wizard and the shopping stuff"

"Duh thats why I was starting with the Train."

"Fine then Lets start then."

"Wait a Minute I need to Grab My Journal to keep the facts Straight."

"Draco you kept a journal?"

"Doesnt Everyone?"

"Um No they Dont."

"oh What ever Just get on with the tale"

"Now I think we're Ready to go."

"oops looks like we Just ran out of paper"

"Fine we will call this the prologue and start the story with Chapter one after we go shopping"

"sorry everyone we will be back soon to start"

**Thanks for reading so far I do not expect or really need reviews seeing as how im just doing this for fun *meaning spontaneously***


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer_ \- I own Nothing not characters, names, or Places_**

_Welcome to the official Chapter 1 of this random story that popped into my head_

_Enjoy Rated M- For content, Language and Humor_

Chapter 1 : True Train Ride Telling

I Harry Potter Had just boarded the train, after finding out how to get the the correct platform. The Twins were being idiots and chattering Ron on the other hand was a total snob. I mean sure in the telling released to the public he seems sweet and innocent, But that's the total opposite of his true self.

"so your Harry Potter, your not quite hero material are you?" Laughed Ron, "you look more like a trampled rat."

"Well Excuse me for not living up to expectations," I mumble, "I had no idea people like us even existed."

"Ah that explains it you were raised by trash then," He Snorts, "makes you trash also."

"That's Kinda Rude, " Squeaks the girl who had just walked into the car, "though he does look kinda weak."

Ron bursts into full blown laughter. He was laughing so hard tears were streaming down his face. I glared at both of them and sat down hard on the seat. I swore to myself someday I will get even, I was so absorbed into my thoughts that I didn't notice the door slide open. I felt a tapping on my shoulder and looked up. Ugh I rolled my eyes, it was a certain rude blonde.

"After the shop incident I figured out who you were," Draco said almost silently, "I don't mean to be too rude but these two in here are not worth sitting with."

"I've noticed," I mumble with a crude smile.

"Oops I didn't see you there," said Ron as he Crushed my foot beneath his then Mumbled into my ear, "you think im bad Draco is the shittiest person in existence."

"I heard that," Said the Blonde angrily.

"Wah, wah, wah," laughed the girl, "Not like you can do anything while on the train." she then Hopped up and pushed the blonde (Draco of course) right into my lap.

"look here," shouted Ron, "a new couple."

"Um..." I try to speak, "you two are complete jerks."

Draco pushes himself up off me while blushing. "I am leaving and you two are gonna regret this I promise," He snapped and quickly rushed out.

"Ten minutes till we arrive" a loud voice echoes through the train.

"Well I am off to dress," Squeals the girl, "hope we are in the same house." She winks at Ron on her way out.

"Wow," says Ron after shes gone, "that girl was sure something." he then proceeds to pull on his robes. While dressing he sings a song that sounds very similar to a certain murder hymm.

I turn away and pull out my robes and dress quickly not wanting Ron to watch me dress. 'He really Creeps me out' I think to myself.

The Trains pulls to a stop, the whistle from the fronts screeches out. I quickly slip out of the car and head in the direction I see others getting off at. Praying in my head that I wont be put in the same place as those two. But as you well know my fate was sealed and set in stone for the most part. You know the whole destiny cant change it thing.

_"Great now I look pitiful"_

_"Oh well Draco, ugh if you want you can do the retelling of chapter two."_

_"Thanks Harry, you know this story really seems like a completely different world when told by the both of us."_

_"yeah well chapter two better be done right Draco I mean it"_

_"Fine Fine lets end this Here"_

_"Okay all you readers out there please don't judge the story yet, we haven't gotten to the juicy parts yet"_

_"Harry I have to admit I think I like the original telling better, I seem much cooler in it"_

_"oh well, Join us again soon for Chapter two the entering of Hogwarts and the stupid placement hat"_

_"see You guys Later Bye"_

**Thanks for reading (sorry about such short chapters I am just getting my writing legs) *similar to sea legs lol***

**I don't care if you review *if at any point you laughed though be sure to let me know* (i love making people smile)**

**Also I bet you can tell which 2 characters I hate Most from Harry Potter.**


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer I own Nothing not character not places not Names **_

_**Welcome Back I know its being updated to quickly but when the boredom hits its time to type**_

_**I know none of the characters you love seem to be themselves *but hey they are still pretty adorable(only harry and draco)***_

Chapter 2 The Short Part before Entering Hogwarts Told by Me Draco Malfoy

...

...

...

_"Draco come on get started tell the story "_

_"One sec it seems some one spilled some kinda red potion on my journal page"_

_"since your busy and cannot remember on your own I will continue the story Myself"_

Harry's POV

As I was stepping off the train I was shocked by the view. I heard a soft giggle as I was pushed out of the way falling straight into a puddle. I jerked my head up and saw that stupid girl laughing at me with a big smirk. My blood felt like it was boiling in my veins.

"So Missed the comforts of home already, " she smarted off.

"Look is that harry, ooh I can't believe hes such a clutz," hollered a voice in the crowd.

Ron Walked up to the girl with a goofy grin on his face, "whats you name, I like your style."

"Hermione," she giggled, "Hermione Granger."

"I Hope we are in the same house," he smirks, "I see we have a lot in common."

"Yeah youre both idiots," I mumble.

A little ways away I see a certain blonde motioning me over with his hand. I slip over to him as quickly and quietly as i can. Just as I am about to reach him a hand grabs the back of my robe.

"Where do you think your going," says Ron, "losers should walk in the back."

"Yeah," Shouted Hermione, "you may be famous but you still reek of garbage to me."

I wished at that moment I hadnt come at all. Why should I be treated like trash everywhere I go. What did I do to deserve this.

_..._

_"Harry Its my turn to tell some of the tale, I used a small trick to clean the page"_

_"fine Draco you can share your side for a moment"_

_"Great Now for the stuff that really matters told by me Draco Malfoy"_

_"Shut it ok just stick to the truth"_

_..._

Dracos POV

I was trying to show off a little in front of my moronic friends when I saw Harry (though from this point in the telling I shall call him Potter) Being knocked into a puddle. I let out a gasp and felt a twinge of anger at that stupid girl.

"Hey Draco is your dad really that powerful," asked a girl? (I didnt care to learn her name at the time)

"Yeah sure," I mumbled.

I was getting more upset watching what was happening so motioned for harry to come over to me. I could tell he was trying to when that Bitch grabbed his robe. My face steamed with anger ready to blow. I was ready to kill her. Though I couldn't do anything *I didn't want to lose my cool status* so I turned away and joined the group moving forward.

'Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a show off' I thought. I felt terrible for Potter yet at the same time I wondered why I even Cared. Thoughts raced through my mind that most eleven year olds couldn't imagine.

...

_"Draco its my Turn again"_

_"But Harry I was Just about to talk about the amazing things I had done so far in my life"_

_"Oh well the story really can't continue from this point without my version of it"_

_"Sometimes I hate you Potter"_

_"Oi just a moment ago you were calling me Harry, did what I say really bug you that much"_

_"Of course not Potter, I being the Great Draco Malfoy do not get angry over pointless things"_

_"Fine now hush so I can continue the tale"_

_..._

Harrys POV

Finally I was able to follow the crowd of people. A weird thin woman was rounding up the first years (though was failing, cause some were sneaking away to join their older siblings).

"Dammit children, get over here now," she Hollered.

"Ooh that old woman is just so scary," Mumbled Hermione with a giggle.

"Yeah I bet she will eat Harry here for breakfast tomorrow," Laughed Ron.

"Cant you two please just leave me alone," I begged to no avail.

"Split into small groups to board the boats please," Shouted the woman getting more and more frazzled by the second.

Ron and Hermione both grabbed one of my sleeves and drug me into their boat. I was ready to cry, wishing with all my might that this was just a bad dream. the boats started moving forward across the water that smelled rotten. (it definitely wasnt super amazing like the original states.

I let out a loud moan, I felt very motion/sea sick. Luckily it was a short ride up to the creepy tunnel. when finally through and pulled up to the exiting dock I felt relieved. My last thoughts before we were led inside were Please let me be away from these two, and why was that blonde motioning me over anyways?

...

_"Harry I think we should end this chapter here"_

_"True we dont want people getting bored yet"_

_"Stay Tuned for the next exciting Chapter written by me Draco"_

_"Oh can it Draco and stop saying your own name so often it annoys everyone im sure"_

_"Fine Potter"_

_"Bye for now and the new chapter will be here soon so be patient"_

,,,,,,,,

**Thanks for reading The next chapter might be posted tomorrow seeing as how I posted these all in one day. If you want to let me know if you want me to change the style of the story a bit (if its too hard to follow)**

**Okay that's all See you beautiful readers again soon **


	4. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer - I own Nothing (except the moronic song)**_

**I hope this chapter doesn't make anyone stop reading  
I know your Favorite characters aren't themselves but oh well I am having fun**

Chapter 3

_"Harry I am gonna start without you"_

_"Just one second some one cursed my broom again its dancing and singing"_

_"Oh that was me just wanted to try a new entertainment spell"_

_"Draco you jerk, how do you reverse it"_

_"Dunno that half of the page was torn out"_

_"Well whatever Lets start"_

_..._

_**Harrys POV**_

I tried to slip to the other side of the group, but Ron had a firm grip on my robes. I was about to snap when a skinny woman ordered us into a straight line. She got mad when somebody tripped and knocked everyone in front of them down (including me).

"Now children," She sighed, "please be careful."

She looked at the line after everyone got up and dusted off. She started pulling kids out and pushing them into a different spot. I was so happy when she moved me away from Ron. A few minutes later it seem she was satisfied with the line and told us to follow her.

I was terrified walking into the building. There were Creepy statues and paintings with blood splatter on the edges.

"Oh don't mind the art children its the headmasters hobby," She laughed.

The line sped up walking for a second (no one wanted to stay in that hallway) then jerked to a halt as we entered a large room. which was obviously a dining hall, since there were tables spanning almost the entire room.

"Wait here," she said leaving us standing against the edge near a small platform.

She went onto the platform and sighed as an older boy plopped a ragged hat on top of a stool.

"What the hell is that," some kid whispered.

"A piece of garbage," said another.

I sighed and prayed that whatever it was it wouldnt sing(I hate music).

Then of course a tear on the hat opened up and burst into song.

**Welcome to your doom**  
**Where I will set your course **  
**No kids will get to choose **  
**your own destiny**  
**Because I curse you all **  
**For putting me in charge**  
**Of this stupid day**  
**every single year **

**So kids listen to my songs**  
**Gryffindor will suck your soul to **  
**the pits of hell**  
**Hufflepuff will knock you all down**  
**and Most of you will Drown (I hope)**  
**Ravenclaw is kinda safe **  
**Unless your prone to choking**  
**Slytherins the best choice **  
**at least they kick some ass**

**So kids come sit upon this stool**  
** and Place me on your head**  
**So I can send you to your **  
**DOOM**

...

_"Okay Harry Let me take over for a moment, since I was sorted before you"_

_"Fine"_

_"Yay here goes"_

_..._

_**Dracos POV**_

I nervously twiddled my thumbs and repeated in my head 'come on slytherin'. I peaked behind me and saw Potter chewing his nails. I wondered if he and I would be in the same house. I looked a little further and saw Ron flipping me off. I looked back to the front my face showing how angry I was. kids starting going up to the hat being sorted here and there.

The stupid girl hermione got sorted into Gryffindor. 'I hope she suffers there' I smiled wickedly. Before I knew what was going on it was my turn. I sat on the stool and stuck the smelly hat on my head and waited.

"Oh aren't you something hehe," Mumbled the hat in my ear.

"Slytherin," it shouted almost busting my eardrums.

'Yes' I thought, 'now if only Potter would be in here to'. I smacked myself for thinking that and hurried off to the table to sit down.

...

_"My turn Draco"_

_"Fine"_

_"Also I didnt know you wanted me to be in Slytherin with you"_

_"Oh shut up Potter and continue the story"_

_"Alright"_

_..._

_Harry's POV_

I was so nervous I nearly jumped out of my skin when it was my turn. I hurried to the stool and stuck the hat on my head.

"Wow boy you life sucked," it said to me, "I guess I could put you in Slytherin, But your not quite evil enough."

'As long as I am not with Hermione and Ron I dont care where I go,' I thought.

"Ooh so you have people you don't like haha," It Cackled then shouted, "Gryffindor"

"No," I moaned and slid of the chair to go and sit at the table.

Soon after Ron joined the table and made sure to sit right next to me.

"Looks like we will be together for awhile," He grinned evily.

"Hey Ron nice to see you in the house too," Hermione winked at him.

The night Progressed quicly. The headmaster made a few announcements none of which I heard as Ron was calling me rude names the whole time. Finally food appeared on the table and I ate whatever I could reach before Ron pulled the platter away from me. I knew my life would only get worse here.

After what felt like eons the food disappeared and the headmaster had everyone sing a weird song (supposedly the school anthem, though it seemed a little to gorey)

Soon the song ended and we were sent off to the houses. It took a whole 30 minutes to reach the dorm (I know because a weird boy was looking at a magical sundile).

We entered the room and were sent straight up the stairs to bed. I felt cursed seeing as how Rons bed was right next to mine. Luckily he went straight to sleep, so I flopped onto my bed hoping that when I woke up tomorrow that this was all a bad dream.

...

_"My turn Harry, I would like to tell about my room there"_

_"I don't think so, I think this chapter is long enough"_

_"Fine Potter, then I will curse all your belonging's with the entertainment spell"_

_"Whatever, If you do I will read everyone the parts of your journal describing me"_

_"No Ugh then"_

_"Alright everyone see you soon for chapter 4"_

**_Sorry its so short thanks for reading _**

**_If you don't hate me after that terrible song above then be sure to wait patiently for the next chapter_**


End file.
